Unconditional Positive Regard: The Foundation of Supportive Parenting and the Berry Street Education Model

As parents, we often juggle countless responsibilities while striving to raise resilient, kind, and emotionally healthy children. In the whirlwind of daily life, it’s easy to focus on correcting behaviour or setting expectations. But one of the most powerful gifts we can offer our children—especially when things are tough—is unconditional positive regard.

What Is Unconditional Positive Regard?

Unconditional positive regard, a term coined by psychologist Carl Rogers, means accepting and valuing a person without judgment or conditions. When applied to parenting, it’s about consistently showing our children that we love and value them for who they are—not just for what they do.

This doesn't mean ignoring poor behaviour or avoiding boundaries. Instead, it means holding space for our child's inherent worth, even when they make mistakes. It’s the quiet, consistent message of: “You are loved. You are important. No matter what.”

Why It Matters

Children are constantly learning about who they are and how they fit in the world. When they feel accepted and supported, even when they mess up, they develop:

• Self-worth that isn’t based on achievements or behaviour

• Emotional safety that fosters openness and connection

• Resilience, because they know mistakes don’t make them unlovable

Unconditional positive regard is especially crucial for children who experience trauma, adversity, or struggle with emotional regulation. It offers them a safe base from which to grow, learn, and heal.

The Berry Street Education Model

Our school is currently implementing the Berry Street Education Model (BSEM) to strengthen the wellbeing and learning outcomes of all students. One of the key principles of BSEM is relationship-based practice—which closely aligns with the idea of unconditional positive regard.

In our classrooms, this might look like:

• Welcoming students warmly each day, regardless of what happened yesterday

• Holding high expectations while also offering emotional support and predictability

• Separating the child from their behaviour: “That choice wasn’t okay, but you are still important and valued.”

As parents and carers, you can mirror this approach at home to reinforce the messages your child receives at school.

How to Practice Unconditional Positive Regard at Home

1. Use Supportive, Non-Judgmental Language
   Instead of labelling a child as “naughty” or “difficult,” focus on the behaviour and maintain belief in the child’s ability to do better:
   “That was a tough moment. Let’s figure out how we can approach it differently next time.”

2. Reaffirm Love, Even During Conflict
   Simple affirmations like: “I didn’t like what you did, but I always love you” can help repair connection and reduce shame.

3. Connect Before You Correct
   When your child is dysregulated, they need connection more than correction. A calm, supportive presence can de-escalate the situation and build trust.

4. Stay Regulated Yourself
   Children learn regulation through co-regulation. When we stay calm, even when they are not, we teach them what emotional safety looks and feels like.

5. Model Forgiveness and Repair
   When you have a tough parenting moment, own it. Apologising and reconnecting shows your child that relationships can withstand mistakes.

When It’s Challenging

There will be moments—especially during meltdowns, misbehaviour, or emotional overwhelm—when unconditional positive regard feels hard to access. That’s normal. This is not about being a perfect parent; it’s about being a present one. When we repair and reconnect after ruptures, we teach children that love is not conditional on their behaviour.

Final Thoughts

The implementation of the Berry Street Education Model at Corpus Christi is strengthening our commitment to building safe, supportive, and emotionally rich learning environments. By extending these principles into the home, we can work together—parents and educators alike—to help every child feel seen, heard, and unconditionally valued.